When you tie your self-worth to your achievements, and have to have everything done to a high standard - whether it’s your work, your wardrobe or how your face looks

Your inner critic tells you that if you’re not busy or working hard, it’s not enough and you don’t deserve love 

You find it hard to relax and just “be” without feeling shame or guilt for not “doing” something or being “productive”

The shame you feel when you believe you haven’t done enough or for not being “better” than you currently are 

causes you to show up with a meekness, an apologeticness, a “walk all over me, I deserve it” sign above your head, in your communication with men

Accepting less-than-stellar treatment from them, always putting yourself in a proving position 

And no matter how much you do and how much you change yourself to please him, it will never be enough

The dynamics we attract with men mirror the dynamics we grew up with

If we weren’t shown unconditional love as a child, and the love we were shown was conditional based on how obedient or cooperative we were or how much we achieved,

Or our parents meant well but had a funny way of showing us love, thinking reprimands and punishments were the best way to teach us to make the “right” choices that would make us successful, 

We were scared to make mistakes incase we got shouted at, lectured, given the silent treatment or punished in some other way

We internalised the unrealistically high standards and the criticism if we fell short

We took it as our responsibility to manage others’ emotional states, like if someone else isn’t happy it means we haven’t done enough, as if it’s our responsibility in the first place

We internalised the belief that the more capable, competent and self-sufficient we were, the less “inconvenient” we were and the less help and support we asked for, the more worthy or deserving we were

And the less we lived up to those ideals, the less deserving we were of love, and the more justified others were in treating us like we’re less than, inadequate, or like we did something wrong

Until you’ve done the work to give yourself that unconditional love, encouragement, acceptance, approval, validation and reassurance that you so needed to be given as a child, you will keep attracting those same relationship dynamics with men

Where it’s about how much you can do for them to show them you’re wifey material and the full package

How much you give of yourself even if that means neglecting your own needs

How much you fight and compete for their attention and feel like you won when they give it to you

How much you change yourself for their approval 

How convenient and agreeable you be to them so they “choose” you even though you know that as the woman you are the prize and you get to choose from your pedestal

When you give yourself the unconditional love and acceptance you so needed to be given as a child, you act not from a position of unmet needs or external validation and approval seeking, but from discernment and cup-full-to-the brim

You won’t look for anyone to validate the belief that you’re good enough or worthy, you’ll already know you are, your worth is never in question 

And this is what men will mirror back to you

You’ll no longer give a f*ck about who leaves you when you express your standards and desires

The self-assuredness and confidence you’ll show up with - that is your irresistible feminine magnetism

You needing nothing from men will get you everything from them

They’ll sense your readiness to walk away at any sign of disrespect

They’ll sense that you care more about your happiness and your needs being met far more than you’ll ever care about pleasing them, watering yourself down or changing yourself so they like you 

You won’t need to say much, men can sense this sh*t a mile off

They’ll know to be on their best behaviour with you, and if they know they can’t meet your standards, they’ll stay out of your way

They’ll have filtered themselves out of your life without any effort on your part

Which leaves your headspace and your energy field clear so you can attract high-quality men that treat you like a queen

Femme Fatale Self-Love & Standards contains a series of short exercises for you to do 1 per day - some are one-offs and some will slot into your routine - to build that deep unconditional self-love, acceptance, approval and validation for yourself, so you bring that unshakeable confidence, power and discernment into dating and relationships